Jan 14 2010
Written by Kid Fury
My brothers and sisters, between this treacherous new job of mine, the heartbreaking events in Haiti, and the passing of Teddy Pendergrass, there was not much for me to smile about yesterday…until MC General L. Platty dropped the hottest new single to rock the nursing home — Pants on the Ground! He is delivering gallons of hot fuckery and baskets of joy right on time!
Hey, don’t let the D-Boy outfit and the Jersey Shore dance moves fool you! There is a message in this hit record: You’re looking like a fool with your pants on the ground! What is taking so long for Lil’ Wayne to sign this man to Young Money? Drake could never!
I only pray that Andre 3000 jumps on a remix!
Dec 15 2009
Written by Kid Fury
Blame your cousins and the creator of the webcam!
In
Bitch You Tried It!,
Chile.....,
Elite Fuckery!,
Get Your Life Queen!,
Girl...Good Day,
Have A Seat!,
Is That So?,
Matthew Knowles Is Not Pleased!,
No Alibi At All,
Put It In Prayer,
That's A Damn Shame,
The Devil Is A Liar!,
There's An App For That!,
Toot Up That Ass!,
WTF?!,
When Tragic Negroes Attack!,
Where They Do That At?,
Why?,
You Are Too Old For This!,
You Need A Geisha Weave Tutorial!
Nov 9 2009
Written by Kid Fury
If this ain’t some self-hate for that ass.
A twitter friend of mine (ibiscaraib) recently asked me for my take on Sammy Sosa and his new Clorox-scented skin. At the time, I didn’t know what she was talking about, so I looked it up. The Major League Baseball star somehow went from a chocolate Latin stud to a clam chowder-colored Gomez Addams (minus the mustache). What a damn shame!
Some folks are claiming that he is receiving some kind of “skin rejuvenation” treatment and the lighting and over-exposure from the cameras only make him seem to appear that bright. That’s funny, because his wife looks the same color to me in both photos. Besides, those green contacts and that aqua-perm clearly gave away his yearning to be whiter. Sammy, you and those forever black lips look a fucking fool!
Nov 3 2009
Written by Kid Fury
On some random track that nobody particularly gives a damn about, Foxy Brown has emerged taking shots at Lil Kim once again.
“Catch me at [?] at the bar/but motherfuckers will never see me dancing with the stars/never, will I embarrass my borough/I’m too thorough/dark-skinned bitches we here now”
Everyone open up your Hip-Hop 101 textbooks to page 374. It reads: This is why female rappers can’t anywhere! Nobody is trying to hear you bring up beef from elementary school! When it’s all said and done, Lil Mama is hosting TV shows, while Kim danced with the stars and Foxy is rolling around on Rick Ross’ belly. They both lose.
Oct 27 2009
Written by Kid Fury
Lamar Odom and his wide-bodied socialite wife, Khloe Kardashyknees, are determined to make you believe in their publicity marriage. So, they went out and tattooed each other’s initials on their hands — now that’s love!
Survey says: Bitch, you tried it! From what I’m hearing, Lamar hasn’t even introduced Khloe to his children yet. What a way to enter the realm of the stepmother. I hope one of the kids yells, “She ain’t my mammy” and throws at rock at her head.
Anyway, I’m seeing the divorce coming around winter 2010, maybe sooner. When they do split up, at least Khloe can tell people that her “LO” tat stand for “loose ovaries”. I’d believe that.
Oct 9 2009
Written by Kid Fury
Melvin Van Peebles was giving off retired-pimp-turned-sugar-daddy vibes at the New York premiere of “Black Dynamite” yesterday. Am I the only one who gets uncomfortable at the sight of senior citizens wearing fitted caps and Stussy jackets like somebody is giving away Metmucil in Foot Locker? It’s always the uncle who wants to hug the girls a little too long at the family reunion.
Bye.
Oct 9 2009
Written by Kid Fury
I’m trying to build a resistance against petty violence, what with people beating each other to death these days. On the other hand, this video was begging to be posted. These two creaky hens were going at it over a seat on the damn bus! The Asian woman yelled some broken curse words, the Black woman made a feeble swing, and before you know it Mama Fa was hitting her with a Kung-Pow grip!
Pathetic, but still funny.
