I am so mad at this upcoming XXL cover for so many reasons.

You have Rick Ross’ breasts sitting up there looking lactate. We have DJ Khaled wearing the same Dickie shit he always wears. Trina is sporting a new push-up bra. Flo-Rida is in a wifebeater…once again. Then finally “The Gunshine State” is plastered across the front. Now, I love all these people and that they represent my city, but come the fuck on! Oh, I am so dreading this Memorial Day Weekend (aka Urban Beach Week aka Drunk Coloreds Act A Fool By The Sea Week).

I’m really starting to believe that Chris’ manager is indeed swallowing his kids. I took a good look at this picture and had to drop a side-eye/squint-eye combo. There is definitely a fly in the Metamucil!

Hey, Omarion! If you are willing to mud-wrestle a Bajan with the forehead of a warrior, you may have a shot at love with Chrissy. Are you interested?

(God forgive me…)

You know, Plies is an artist all his own. I don’t understand him and that is okay. I respect him because like he continuously says, he is real. On the other hand, I would have picked a less horrifying cover for an album. I’m just saying…this is the kind of shit that traumatizes babies.

His lips just reminded me of something. I have some left over sausage links in the icebox! Now all I need is some pancake batter.

Damn, MJB! Was the budget that low? Whoever had the idea to loop a bunch of clips from Discovery Channel’s journey through the arctic needs to be fired…ASAP! This shit shall not stand!

It’s too early in the week for this shit.

Flavor of Love’s Saaphyri is dead serious about marketing her Lip Chap. While making a trip to My Bust It Baby Mama’s blog today, I was assaulted by this video of Sap (my new nickname for Saaphyri) advertising her “cosmetics” through the use of rap music. I think it is safe to say that Sap is the most successful of the Flavor of Love alum…and she didn’t even have to tickle Flav’s balls.

I see this video as being the new joint on tomorrow’s 106 & Park.

Okay, there are a number of things wrong with this mess.

• First of all, is Buffie the Body bumping uglies with Gucci Mane or Kay Slay? Is she doing both? Either way it goes, my stomach will turn and I will most likely retch.
• Who the hell came up with the idea of an online Hip-Hop soap opera and why would it star these two bums?
• What the hell does Gorilla Zoe have to do with anything?
• Does anyone else suffer headache and fatigue when hearing Buffie speak?

The list could easily go on, but I am experiencing depression all of sudden, so I’m through.

I think it is safe to say that Lil’ Mama has a style all her own…a style I shall neither understand nor shall I enable. My little rap friend just doesn’t seem to give a damn sometimes, as you can plainly see. A grandma sweater, snow hat, and whatever is lying around in the cardboard boxes at the Goodwill — there you have her outfit.

I won’t give up on L’Mama, but it is hard to keep the faith when she is taking pictures looking like a little Russian lumberjack named Kasheef.

[ pics courtesy of Lil-MamaOnline ]

I’m sorry. I want to be nice, but somebody has to say this.

Are you trying to tell me that this is the best Pharrell could do for his artist’s first video? Teyana is a young woman with the potential to be big. She has a decent voice, a nice rap flow, and impeccable style. However, first impressions are everything and I have seen better music videos on Sesame Street. Star Trak could have pitched in something a little extra for this mess.

Better luck next time, girl.

I think she’s serious, too.

Kill a few ducks, take a photo, and run that shit through Photoshop — instant album cover! I see you, Mariah. The joy of modern technology is something, ain’t it?

As happy as I am for Lil’ Mama, with her album finally being released and all, her team could have done a better job for an album cover. Poor thing looks like an anime child prostitute or something. I wish she would grow up a little. She actually has the talent of MCs nearly twice her age, but she stays stuck in Cabbage Patch Kids clothing.

Not cute.

[ pic snatched from C+D ]