May 18 2010
Written by Kid Fury
Now, personally I don’t get drunk in the clubs and I don’t give a frog’s fat ass if you’ve heard differently! I’m posting this in hopes that it can assist some other drunken monkey from showing out in the clubhouse! I’m not judging anyone…so don’t judge me.
1. Memory Loss — Too much alcohol can and will make your entire night one huge blur — like the stretch marks on Kat Stacks vagina! It is possible that you may not remember how you got home, where your draws are, and/or the stories of you dancing on a bar in all white with your legs lifted up and your bussy-popping performance to Nicki Minaj records…but we’re not talking about me!
2. Sexual Vulnerability — Being drunk in public leaves you totally vulnerable to the “lil’ freaks” who are looking to take advantage of the tipsy. Hopefully, if you do get too loose in public, you will have friends around to look after you. However, it is still possible that you will feel several unidentified people squeeze your booty buttcheeks, and then you receive text messages the next morning from folks you don’t remember giving your number to…not me though.
3. The Damn Internet — The tweets are watching. Everyone has a camera of some sort and will be more than eager to post your flowing juices on the web. You don’t wanna make the blogs looking like this on Sunday morning…glad it’s not me.
Mar 27 2010
Written by Kid Fury
You know, I expected that a brief trip to the flea market during my lunch break would bring me some mouth-watering fuckery, but this shit hit me like a club to Tiger Woods’ cerebellum. Obama Beauty Supply is catering to all the local divas and queens! If you need some premium Korean extensions to stunt on those foot dragging bitches at the county fair, or an extra special wig when you need to lip-sync for your life, it will be here.
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Jan 14 2010
Written by Kid Fury
My brothers and sisters, between this treacherous new job of mine, the heartbreaking events in Haiti, and the passing of Teddy Pendergrass, there was not much for me to smile about yesterday…until MC General L. Platty dropped the hottest new single to rock the nursing home — Pants on the Ground! He is delivering gallons of hot fuckery and baskets of joy right on time!
Hey, don’t let the D-Boy outfit and the Jersey Shore dance moves fool you! There is a message in this hit record: You’re looking like a fool with your pants on the ground! What is taking so long for Lil’ Wayne to sign this man to Young Money? Drake could never!
I only pray that Andre 3000 jumps on a remix!
Dec 23 2009
Written by Kid Fury
My people, how much longer are you going to keep this up? If I see another baby with a fresh lacefront or some buy-one-get-a-pack-free weave in there head, I’m gonna email Obama. These children should look like children — dressed in OshKosh and shit…not fancied up like they’re going to the club where ladies drink free all night!
Shout out to Tamikha for bringing this tragedy to light.
Dec 21 2009
Written by Kid Fury
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Nov 25 2009
Written by Kid Fury
Push your breasts up!
Until Da Brat gets home, you lovely gals have Young Melo to munch your carpets. Introduce yourselves! She is here to bring sexy back — and that’s a fact! Honestly, I was a little worried about her respiratory condition when I watched this. Homegirl sounded like she was craving a honey baked ham and a shot of oxygen. Anyway, I’m proud to say I made it through 57 entire seconds of this video and you can thank Domishauntel for sending it in.
Oct 28 2009
Written by Kid Fury
The King of Iron Fist performed at Power 105′s Powerhouse concert yesterday and the people are saying he put on a great show. There was most likely a lot of floor-grinding, moon-walking, and Kung Fu taking place during his set. Either way, the kiddies ate that shit up — I guess nobody cares about his Wolverine knuckles anymore. That boy’s good!
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Oct 9 2009
Written by Kid Fury
I’m trying to build a resistance against petty violence, what with people beating each other to death these days. On the other hand, this video was begging to be posted. These two creaky hens were going at it over a seat on the damn bus! The Asian woman yelled some broken curse words, the Black woman made a feeble swing, and before you know it Mama Fa was hitting her with a Kung-Pow grip!
Pathetic, but still funny.
Sep 14 2009
Written by Kid Fury
I might as well get it out of the way and out of my system. The Internet is giving Lil Mama the business after he dragged his uninvited testicles onstage during Jay-Z’s performance of “Empire State of Mind” during last night’s VMAs. This is the same butch queen that was telling another transgendered women to act like a lady.
Shade Moss is doing the most these days and I’m not a fan of his antics at all. He’s lucky Solange and Matthew didn’t snatch him up by the roots and toss that ass out into the streets like a javelin. My Lord.
Update: Lil Mama Apologizes! Twitter Continues to Pick On Her.
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photo courtesy of KodakBoi at KiddUNot.com
