It’s Antoine The Don — wipe your knees clean and bow the hell down! Yes, our new sweet and spicy hero is taking you girls and boys on his fantastic voyage. Witness his headshot and jot some notes down before he snatches this sex dressing away from us! Have you hit Wal-Mart for your own bandana/head-wrap yet?

More pics below!

Praises to Miss Jia for dropping these last two on TweetPhoto. Are you mad? Yeah, I thought so.

Rape is no laughing matter. It is a serious subject — one that Antoine Dodson does not take lightly. Don’t get your ass whooped out on that block!

Thanks @steenfox!

No, that is not Nanny McPhee — it is a woman of great power! Underneath that ratty hair lives the brain of a superstar/dream-crusher.

Rihanna and Adam Lambert better apply some extra bonding glue and strap on helmets, because their scalps might be left to freeze in this harsh winter cold. Who’s mad?

The ladies and gentlequeens down south do not play when it comes to their pageants! After this little latin boy in drag walked away with the title of Miss Gay Brazil, another very angry contestant ripped that hair off and Fed-exed it to Jesus! Nobody likes a sore loser, except when this type of shit happens — thats when I love it! Sheree, are you watching this?

[video courtesy of D-Listed via JoshZilla]

I could kick my blog day off with notes about Rihanna Mae’s drunk ass antics from last night, but I like to keep things spicy on here. So instead we’re going to discuss the brick house that is my girl Beth Ditto. In case you are new to her juiciness, Beth is the vocalist of indie rock band, The Gossip — she is also my sexy friend in the head who makes me grilled cheese!

Don’t ignore her fashion sense! You know you’re about to go on a Google hunt to find that dress and get your hair colored like her! I don’t blame you.

My blogger family, Necole Bitchie, celebrated her birthday yesterday at the Taj in New York. There were celebrities all over including Wale, Pound Puppy, Mario, That Girl From Harlem Heights Who Wants To Be Keri Hilson, and more. How nice!

No words. You may blame FashionLIFE.

Aunt Grace is still storming the stage with her snatch wrapped tightly in some exclusive garments — the world is terrified and entertained at the same time. I still believe that Grace Jones gallops through Central Park on her free time and eats raw ducks and Bad Boy rejects, but she still gets love on this here site.

Kanye’s cuticle tenderizer, Amber Rose, plans on staying in our damn faces for a while. She’s done cameos in both Jay-Z and Kanye’s latest videos, made tons of celebrity friends, and got a modeling contract all by walking behind a rapper and somking cigarettes. I can’t even hate.

Here are two flicks from her new Complex spread c/o Crunk & Disorderly. Amber is a friend around these parts. Any chick that can have these pop chicks go into a head-shaving frenzy is cool with me.

Where was I when this footage was released?

Little Miss Goonette (of that Plies reality show that has yet to be) has been putting on stunts and shows for a while. Get into her America’s Got Talent audition. Please leave your comments and reviews on the video, because I couldn’t make it past 40 seconds.

Now this is what Fridays are all about!

Just when Solange and Rihanna thought they were bad, Diane Amos (aka The Pine-Sol Lady) does a drive-by on all these industry bitches. She is giving you face, hair, body, AND Isopropanol! Are you paying attention, world? On top of all that, this photo was inspired by a beautiful Tom Ford perfume ad featuring my queen, Erykah Badu. Please feel free to fall the hell out in dramatic cunt fashion at any time. I know I did.

But wait! There’s more!

Life.

I refuse to post the new photos of a certain island chick who chopped her hair off again for the blogs and paparazzi. She can get her Route 66 kicks on those other websites. Instead my lovely readers on this side of the complex can get a piece of this sweet-n-sour diva! I think that hairdo (done by the legendary Celebrity Seaborn) shits on all these hoes! Back up from your screen before this intense fever gives you a stroke!

Here’s the new cover for Keri Hilson’s next single, “Get Your Money Up”, which features Keyshia Cole and Trina (and Geisha and Frankie…in my head). I’m so proud of my Keri. To be honest, I never even thought the label would fund a fifth single for her. I mean, surely the cost of Kanye’s hair texturizers, prenatal vitamins, Sour Patch kids, and Ray-Bans from the last video were pretty damn high. Good for her.

Christina Milli-Blonde has heard all the shit-talking going on in these Internet skreets and she wants you haters to know that she does more than just tickle The-Dream’s upper lip with her labia minora for tracks.

Thanks to Maxim Magazine she has seen a remarkable rise in her profits from independent hoe shit. These Nacho Cheese Chalupas don’t buy themselves, bitch. Don’t get mad, get involved.

Just to let these futuristic hoes know, P!nk is not taking any of Kanyeisha’s damn guff. After running into the rap diva at a Stella McCartney fashion show, she had this to say.

All I have to say is: iLive!

Yes, I am posting this picture in full size and unless you’re new around these parts, you should already know why.

Badu is life.

No need to waste time singing of the joy this woman brings, because it is all quite evident. However, I have decided to emulate the Queen’s sense in fashion from here on out, and I will not rest until I find out where she got those shades from. Haters can tell me how my ass tastes.

I love how this post follows Spectacular’s. I guess the tang is bubbling at the brim today, children.

Well, Memorial Day Weekend is just about over. I didn’t participate in too many events, because I believe there are pathways to the gates of hell out there on that beach during this time of year, and the devil is just waiting for me to fall in one. However, I had to go out and show love to B.Scott, who had a fabulous event last night. The kids were out in full force, as you can see with this juicy runway diva!

If you have not gotten into the 8th Wonder of the World that is Geisha, I’m gonna need you to get it together. Not only has this Miami diva brought us the official 2009 hoodrat anthem, “Shit’N On You Hoe”, but she also taught Tyra Banks how to style her own hair.

Now, Geisha is back with more quick weave tips, but this time she is giving it to you on a whole new level. This shit is so epic, I might have to give Geisha her own category. Bow down, bitches!

…because at Wal-Mart, it’s all about the smiles.

Don’t you dare hate on Little Miss Sunshine and her happy panties. Sometimes even I want share a bit of myself when I experience wonderful sales on the road. This is the baddest bitch in the checkout!

Sometimes you may feel like life just never goes your way. Like right now, my stomach is singing hits by Jonté and KFC refuses to take these damn coupons! Then just when I was preparing to roll over and die, The Creator blessed my soul with this video. Yes, Kang Jesus saves.

During a webcam chat with his last few fans, Bow Wow received a message from someone (who I officially deem “The Shit”) asking if he is a top or a bottom.

My reaction next.

That shit was all the supplement I needed for the entire day. I adore how he and homeboy from Holes, tried to act like they didn’t know what that shit means. Girl, you know your Fleet bottle is empty.

I would like whoever sent Bow Wow that question to please email me and redeem a free can of Chek soda and a pack of Easy Mac on me.

Creolesians are so damn tricky. You have to keep your eyes on them at all times, otherwise they might end your life.

Bebe Zahara does deserve some time to pressure clean all that make-up off her face, dump all 700 pounds of her weave to the side, and just be free to spend her coins. If I had to travel the globe and J-sett for millions of people every damn day, I would send Propecia to be my body double, too. Don’t be mad, Vienna — we love your sausages.

The Hoodrat Track for today also comes from a Miami Queen named Jacki-O! She brought you slick records about her birth canal and so much more. This is personally one of my favorite records by Jack Da Rippa (I know Freshington gets a kick out of it as well) so I decided to bring it to you all. Ladies, if you meet a chick named Rochelle, let her know that her man ain’t shit!

By now you should know that the Flea Market Madame, Geisha, is sort of a big deal around these parts. However, it seems like certain people are not acknowledging “Shit’n On You Hoe” as the masterpiece that it is — just hating because they didn’t come up with it.

So, here is Ms. Geisha with her response and my new quote: “Get to the MONEY!” I….live.

If you have not heard of Nicki Minaj by now, I’m gonna need you to get it together. The First Lady of Young Money Entertainment and Southside Jamaica, Queens native has been slaying bitches for a minute…yes, I’m in stan mode. Shit, Lil’ Kim is doing the huckabuck on ABC, Remy Ma is playing spades in the clink, and I don’t know what ditch the rest of these rap chicks fell in. Ms. Minaj could not pick a better time to advance. Check out her new track, “I Get Crazy”, featuring Lil’ Wayne below, and you can buy the new mixtape Beam Me Up Scotty on her myspace page.

PLAY ME: Nicki Minaj – I Get Crazy (feat. Lil’ Wayne)

The Thug Misses is back once again with another public service announcement — this time it’s for all the men out there. Fellas, open your ears and your pockets for this shit!

Ms. Keri Hilson is releasing her debut album, In A Perfect World…, tomorrow and hot dammit I’m buying three copies. That’s right, Kid Fury stans too. Just on the brim of the CD’s launch, Keri has premiered the video for her latest single, “Knock You Down”, featuring Go-Go and Diva Diva Kanye. All you Creole warriors and transgender fans can hate if you want to, but Keri Hilson is everything. Lick your screen and savor the flavor, bitches!

My day has become so much brighter since I nabbed a slice of this footage over at the House of Bitchie. My Aunt Frankie (in my head) was caught partying, doing the matrix, and looking for a new piece at Sheree Whitfield’s divorce party. God, I love that woman.

You may lick the spoon.

I know the Creole warriors are upset at Ms. Keri, but I don’t give two-thirds of a shit. The remix to Soulja Boy’s “Turn My Swag On” track has hit the web and I love it. I still grind my teeth together when I hear people use the word “swag”, but what the hell. Let’s see how many people are going to dissect this record word for word and try to find a subliminal Beyoncé and/or Ciara diss…hell, maybe she’s dissing Changing Faces.

Play Me: Keri Hilson – Turn My Swag On (remix)

Just when you thought this week was going down the shitter, The Queen has returned with another uplifting sonnet. In today’s PSA, Khia is testifying to the wonders of self-love and confidence. So, the next time a bitch looks at you crooked in the club because your bra strap is showing and your feet are swollen, just remember what the Thug Misses told you.

Well friends, I’m off to kick-start my weekend. Miami is sitting back waiting for me to hit the road acting an ass. I will be leaving you with a moving sonnet via Youtube. Before there was Single Ladies, there was Miss Honey. I hope you enjoy and return next week. I have a little something special planned.

Etta James thinks some of these sensitive ass hoes need to learn to take a joke.

Don’t get it twisted, though. Etta will still DDT any bitch who decides to get buck!

Closing out the day for those of you with a special sweet-tooth. Eat up!

Shouts to B.Scott!

I’m out for today, but I’m leaving you all with some words of wisdom from Queen Khia — specifically for my female readers. Get into this knowledge and salute the Thug Misses flags. YES!

Look who made an appearance at yesterday’s Miu Miu Cocktail Party in NYC. I don’t know what Miu Miu is or even how to pronounce it, but the objective of this post is to show that Ciara is still alive and as sexy-fied as ever. Contrary to recent talk, Ci Ci’s album has not been scrapped and is still in the works (blame CP time), with a possible comic book being released alongside it. Hiya, bitches!

Great Aunt Reefa sang her heart out at the New York Hog-Mog Festival last night right before grabbing a plate to go. Well, not really — it was some sort of Christmas tree lighting ceremony, but you know there was a special plate of fatback and greens set aside just for her. While Tina Turner is out getting her Xena Warrior Princess on, Ms. Franklin is spreading her belly butter for good holiday cheer. Now, who’s the baddest?

I thought so.

Macy Gray is back, and I’m so happy about it because it gives me a reason to post that picture. Anyway, her new record is called “Slap a Bitch” (seriously) and she seems very proud of it. Check it out below.

Play: Macy Gray – Slap A Bitch

I’m not going to lie — I have been looking forward to this new video by Ciara. Anything with choreography in it kind of draws my attention. Well, the video for “Go Girl” is pretty good; it’s not exactly as impressive dance-wise as I would have hoped. The Chinese split, back-bend, and all the other little flexi-moves are cute, but I wanted more techinality. Maybe I’m selfish. Anyway, Ciara looks great, so check it out!

It’s been a while since I posted some info on The Baddest. Trina hit the stage for the Back To School Jam in GA last week — looking like a Liberty City backyard wrestler. I’m not sure what inspired the costume, but those Church’s Chicken thighs are so damn distracting that I gave up on everything else. You gotta love Trina.

I haven’t done a spotlight in a minute, due to me not really giving a damn about them, but I had to show major love to my favorite DJ in the world — DJ Dimples! When I say that nobody does the turntables justice like this woman, I mean that shit! Not only is she great at what she does, but she has a funky style and a great heart. So show her some respect…or I’ll come find you!

Add DJ Dimples on Myspace!

Download DJ Dimples’ Mixtape!

Vote for DJ Dimples @ The SEA Awards!

If you want to be in the Spotlight or know someone who should be, shoot me an email!

English fashion designer Vivienne Westwood put all these model hoes to shame yesterday during an appearance at London Fashion Week. Dollicia, who? I think she deserves to be greased up and sprawled out in Kanye’s next video. Does that good shit she is serving up above not get you to tingling? Bow down!

Who doesn’t want to read about the marvelous adventures of a big-footed Compton girl growing up with a tennis racket and a dream? I nominate this for a spot in Oprah’s book club, dammit! All they need is an audio book recorded by Maya Angelou. Now, how can we set up a “Buy One Get The Venus Story Free” deal?

No one on the corner has swagger like you, Zang Toi! The fashion designer blessed the ‘razzi with a taste of honey dew yesterday, during his showing at Fashion Week in New York. I can smell the sweet aroma of hibiscus seeping through my monitor as I type this out. You know you love it. Try not to lick your screen.

Pause for a second and allow yourself to take in this good shit. Whether you want to recognize it or not, Jennifer Hudson is serving these hoes with big girl delight like I’ve never seen. See I can be nice — if some of these fools would just do right. Grab a biscuit and sop up some of the excess juice that Ms. Hudson is offering. You know you want a taste.

More underneath…

Your favorite singer’s favorite writer is gracing the cover of Trace Magazine this month…as a bad bitch should. Keri Hilson is kind of a big deal. She has all the sex appeal one needs and she didn’t have to battle through puss for us to see it.

I don’t think this should be too hard at all, but go ahead and guess who’s pierced booby this is!

Didn’t see that coming did you?

Rihanna is a bad bitch! I only give her this title today because of the simple fact that Beyonce and Ciara are both serving up these glam shots, and Forhedda just flashes a quick nip flick to wet a hoe’s palate. Plus, her hair is newly fried, dyed, and laid to the side. How genius! Who’s taking notes?

[ more photos at JustJared.com ]

I’m sorry, I had to take time out to fit in this absolute gem. I need all you readers out there to soak in some of this Bad Bitch-ism. What’s the flavor, you ask — it’s Frankie F. Baby. You might have thought you were styling and profiling on these hoes, but unless you are on this level…you may take this time to sit on down! TYRA MAIL!

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

[ more flicks at Necole Bitchie ]