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  • Jul 29 2010

    Five Things To Expect From @KanyeWest

    Written by Kid Fury

    Still from Kanye's upcoming "Power" video

    Now that our girl Kanye is finally riding her tricycle through the Twitter streets, people are eagerly pressing their noses against their electronic devices awaiting her every tweet. No one queen should have all that power. Anyway, I thought I would jot down a few notes on things you can expect from Ms. West now that her twat is up!

    1. Frequent Tweets About Shoes, Art, Big-Breasted Women, and Other Random Fancy Shit.
    This one has already been proven. Check out Miss Thing’s twitpic account. Within just one day, we have learned that ‘Ye likes classical music, drinking water out of goblets, and her nipples only get erect in the backseat of a Maybach. Please pay attention!

    2. Plenty of Amber Rose Shade.
    That has already begun. I predict that he will have young Baldilocks blocked and reported for spam by supper.

    3. Numerous Visits To Twitter Jail
    Let’s hope Justin Beiber doesn’t win an award over Beyoncé at this year’s VMAs. You know security is going to be waiting on the sidelines with tasers and brass knuckles if Kanye even thinks about speaking out of turn. Basically, there will be plenty of Twitter rants from our assertive sister and Twitter will likely have that ass on lock up regularly.

    4. Even More Arrogance.
    She’s already on her way to 250,000 followers in just over 24 hours. You know that bussy is moist.

    5. Account Deletion.
    Soon enough however, Kanye will do or say something to aggravate and/or offend a large group of people. Then numbers 2-4 will take place all at once, we will see a “Twitter doesn’t care about black people” post, and that account will be gone. This will probably take place sometime next year. Besides, Beyoncé is not on Twitter and Jay-Z never uses his — Kanye has nobody to play with. Whenever another shiny new play thing snags her interest, she’s gonna pump it to the left.

    Be prepared.

    In Celebrity Tweets,Chile.....,Get Your Life Queen!,Spit Yo Game -- Talk Yo Shit!,There's An App For That!
    4 comments
    Feb 11 2010

    The Shade Game!

    Written by Kid Fury

    As I poke my head out the door, I’m hoping someone does not bust a shot off into my skull for keeping you all waiting. I’m still hustling and I apologize for the lack of updates, but times are harder than working Sector 7 of the Wig Crypt when Tina cuts the AC off.

    Anyway, I just wanted to drop off my two nickels on this subject while it’s still fresh in my mind. Keri Hilson (or Squidward as my nephew calls her) is being bum-rushed by The Creole Battalion once again for some possibly shady comments. Check this Twitter message from her page last night.

    “Let me make this clear…I can’t be friends with anyone who wears a bump-it. I just can’t.”

    Yep, that’s all.

    Now we all remember that big ass wasp nest that Beyoncé wore in the Single Ladies video and numerous performances. So people assumed “Miss Keri Baby” was trying to put Princess Giselle on blast and blew her page up.
    Continue Reading…

    In Celebrity Tweets,Girl...Good Day,I Love You But No!,Is This Shade?,Matthew Knowles Is Not Pleased!,That's A Damn Shame,You Are Too Old For This!
    13 comments
    Dec 3 2009

    Shouldn’t Have Given You Twitter: The-Dream

    Written by Kid Fury

    Those flat-foots at The Grammys are throwing 19 degrees of ATL shade at Mrs. Koala  Yummy, and she is not having it! Those tight jackets and Urban Outfitters glasses were purchased with hard earned money and now you will all know it!

    Continue Reading…

    In Celebrity Tweets,Girl...Good Day,Somebody Needs A Hug,Spit Yo Game -- Talk Yo Shit!,You Mad?
    11 comments
    Nov 13 2009

    Shouldn’t Have Given You Twitter: Mary J. Blige

    Written by Kid Fury

    Aunt Mary is tired of you pigeons talking bad about her and her SAT scores. She is not dumb! Don’t worry about her splitting the word “underestimate” in two — it doesn’t have to make sense! So what if she can’t spell “intelligence” correctly? You are not her parent/guardian! Ms. Blige is hooked on music, not phonics! Deal with it!

    [DAMN. SHAME!]

    In Celebrity Tweets,Have A Seat!,Just Be Quiet!,That's A Damn Shame,You Are Too Old For This!
    35 comments
    Oct 7 2009

    Shouldn’t Have Given You Twitter: Khia

    Written by Kid Fury

    Never mind the 2nd grade language arts skills or the fact that Khia only has 227 twitter followers (a healthy equivalent to her album sales and trips to the crab shack), but throw your head back and take a dose of this shade. Apparently, the Thug Misses thinks Nick Cannon ought to take his mind off of Eminem and focus on Da Brat coming to snatch Mariah’s panties from underneath him.

    Khia is always calling someone a bulldagger. I’m starting to think she’s munched a few carpets in her day. My suggestion to her would be to worry less about other artists and worry more about her own career, so we can all have some thing to get hoodrat to. 15 album sales at 7-Eleven ain’t gonna cut it.

    In Celebrity Tweets,Chile.....,God Don't Like Ugly!,I Eat Bitches Like You Erryday,Who Gives A Shit?
    9 comments
    Oct 1 2009

    Shouldn’t Have Given You Twitter: Chris Brown

    Written by Kid Fury

    Chris Brown may not be hitting me with strong music, but he has inspired a new feature for The Fury — celebrity tweets. If you are not on Twitter witnessing the truckloads of rubbish coming from the keyboards of the rich and famous, bitch you are missing out! The world needs to know how foolish these people really are. So from now on, if I catch a fucked up celeb post, I’m blasting that ass sky high!

    Yellow Cake wanted to inform his fans of the work he has on the way, including a “ballet” he recorded. I guess he’s been so busy pussy poppin’, chucking wood, and building river dams that nobody ever explained the difference between “ballet” and “ballads” to him. It’s a sad state of affairs.

    In Celebrity Tweets,I'm Sorry. Come Again?,That's A Damn Shame
    12 comments

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