Life is wierd. I take a small break from the gossip ring and all of a sudden I’m totally ignorant to the fact that marriage is the new hot shit on the Hollywood streets. I would have never guessed.

I didn’t even know that Nick Cannon and Victorias Secret’s new angel, Selita Ebanks, were a couple. Oh wait, they’ve only been dating for 3 weeks - that explains it. I hear the two met here in Miami (the new land of celebrity trash - thanks!) during Superbowl Weekend, and after a brief courtship they decided to have a secret wedding in Las Vegas for All Star Weekend.

I had more faith in you Selita, but now I have to bash your dumbass whenever possible. As for you, Nick - I already knew you were lame. I don’t know what these hoes see in you, but I guess having a grown man cry in bed lights this chick’s fire.

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RAPPER/ACTOR NICK CANNON

Ozone: How did you meet?

Groupie: I met him at an after party that was held in a club I use to work at.

Ozone: So what happened?

Groupie: We talked for awhile, had a few drinks and what not, then a few hours later he said he was leaving to go to his hotel room and asked if I wanted to come with him. I was all for it so I went with him.

Ozone: How was it?

Groupie: He’s okay. Not the best lay I’ve had, but he wasn’t that bad either. What really scared me is when he busted he cried. I was like okay this guy is weird.

Ozone: How long did you mess with him?

Groupie: For like 2 months.

Ozone: So you would recommend him?

Groupie: If you can deal with his crying, yeah I guess.

Ozone: Are there any celebrities you would want to sleep with?

Groupie: Yes, a whole lot more.

Ozone: So would you be offended if someone called you a groupie?

Groupie: No, I’ll laugh.

Music World and Columbia Records are releasing a deluxe edition of B’Day on April 3rd. The 3 disc “collectors item” will feature all the songs from the original album plus loads of new tracks - some of which feature Beyoncé trying to sing in spanish (bitch swears she’s Dominican or something). Along with the new music will come a DVD holding a ton of footage including several never-before-seen videos that Be shot just recently.

Check out the tracklisting below.

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Disc 1:
01. Deja Vu (Feat. Jay-Z)
02. Get Me Bodied
03. Suga Mama
04. Upgrade U (Feat. Jay-Z)
05. Ring The Alarm
06. Kitty Kat
07. Freakum Dress
08. Green Light
09. Irreplaceable
10. Resentment
11. Back Up - NEW
12. Listen
13. Beautiful Liar (Duet with Shakira) - NEW
14. If - NEW
15. Flaws & All - NEW
16. WWW (World Wide Woman) - NEW

Disc 2:
01. Imprecindible (Irreplaceable “Spanish Version”)
02. Amor Gitano (Duet with Alejandro Fernandez)
03. Oye (Listen “Spanish Version”)
04. Beautiful Liar (Duet with Shakira) Spanish Version
05. Beautiful Liar (Spanish Remix)
06. Beautiful Liar (Reggaeton Spanish Remix)

Disc 3: DVD “B’Day Anthology Video Album”
01. Deja Vu
02. Get Me Bodied
03. Suga Mama
04. Kitty Kat (Intro) / Upgrade U
05. Ring The Alarm
06. Kreakum Dress
07. Green Light
08. Irrepleaceable
09. Imprecindible (Irrepleaceble “Spanish Version”)
10. Listen
11. Beautiful Liar
12. Beautiful Liar (Spanish Version Video)

Well, look who it is. Mya is back on the entertainment scene with a hot new record called “Lock U Down”, which features Lil’ Wayne (what song doesn’t these days?). Mya fans have been waiting on her next album for a while. They need to realize that pussy-popping for KING magazine and beefing with 50 Cent is a job all in its self - shit takes time.

Play Me: Mya - Lock U Down (f. Lil’ Wayne)

This is my second favorite song on Ci-Ci’s sophomore album, so I’m happy that it was chosen as her second single. The video is pretty impressive. Ciara’s choreography was on point, but that didn’t really need to be said, did it? I think the false tattoos were a bit over the top and Reggie Bush was kinda uneccesary (I’m not hating) , but I liked what I saw. If they ever make a Boys Don’t Cry sequel, Ciara is definitely the man for the part.

SORRY, ladies, but Usher is officially off the block. Sources say the R&B icon is engaged to his longtime girlfriend and stylist Tameka Foster. “It’s 100 percent official,” said an insider. The couple began dating more than a year ago, but tried to keep it quiet - going so far as denying their relationship - but they recently became more open with their love. “She is wearing a beautiful ring,” said a friend of Usher, “and he’s been introducing her as his fiancée.” A rep for Usher declined comment.

You know, I was enjoying these precious moments of Usher-free time. Now all of a sudden he jets back into the news loop. I don’t appreciate that, but I kinda-sorta appreciate love. Therefore, I say congratulations to Usher and his tranny-licious girlfriend on their alleged engagement.

I know Jonetta is shitting bricks.

This is another sad case of “Great-Song-Boring-Video Syndrome”. I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but with the numerous newscastings and documentaries that have already covered the Hurricane Katrina disaster, this was basically 2 minutes and 7 seconds of stuff we’ve already seen (with the addition of a rapper) . If Spike Lee’s When The Levees Broke featured an outro by Jay-Z, this is exactly what it would look like.

Love the song, appreciate the message, hate the video - sorry, Joe!

Whew! Its been a little minute. I apologize for the lack of updates; my personal life is getting hectic. My good friends Grey and Skyy have been helping me through the stress though, so I’m good.

Anyway, I’m jumping back in the mix of things with this - the alleged cover for 50 Cent’s forthcoming album, Before I Self-Destruct. This is a very a grim taste of what’s cooking down in Photoshop Hell and I dare you to disagree.

Well, it still looks a hell of a lot better than this shit!

Well, thanks to my girl Miss Info, I was “blessed” with the opportunity to view the steamy trailer for Ray J and Kim Kardashian’s sex tape…the shit has a trailer. Guess Kim can’t deny this one anymore.

According to this clip, Brandy’s brother likes the sweet taste of fresh twat on the rocks - if you know what I’m saying. I suppose the entire video will be released very soon. NSFW

Okay, before I comment on the video I need to confirm that this is indeed the same beat that Gwen Stefani used for the remix to “Luxurious” - stop asking. I like this version better anyway.

Now, the Pea’s new video is nice, but I’m finding a lot of the depicted shit very hard to believe. I’m sure convincing you that Fergie does not fly on private jets sipping champagne would not be difficult at all. Also, who was rocking those big ass doorknocker earrings in ‘94?

The only scenes that made sense were those of her pulling up to the Taco Bell drive-thru. She looks like a Chalupa bitch.